One Year Anniversary

I thought of something romantic you did for me.

You wrote me that cute little note remember?

You burned me a CD too I think.

But I don’t really remember the CD.

I remember the note.

So I’m writing you one now.

Today is June 24, 2009.

Its 11:11am.

The perfect time to start wishing you a happy anniversary.

The perfect time to start wishing.

As I close my eyes and hold my breath a million thoughts go through my mind.

I have to work today.

I forgot to empty the dishwasher.

I should take a shower.

What is Amy doing?

What should I wish for?

World peace?

Lots of money?

And then I think of you.

“I hope he’s happy”

And accidentally, my wish is all used up.

But I couldn’t have wished for anything better anyways.

So I do what any other sensible person would do.

I kiss the clock.

I must admit, I have the desire to fill up a million pages with a million words, in very small font. I feel the need to present you with a book. Bound, and new smelling. That way, you could sit it on your shelf, and anytime you’re lonely or sad, or happy and excited, or tired, or content, or hungry, you could flip open to a page somewhere in the middle and read something new. But maybe you could read this, not a book, not new smelling, but maybe you could read it a hundred times, and maybe, though the words will be the same, they could make you feel new. I hope so.

I don’t feel the need to tell you all the things you already know. So I won’t. But reminders are good sometimes. So remind yourself often, and ill try to as well.

Sometimes I find you simply unbearable. You’re annoying and rude. Crass, and conceited. Lazy and irresponsible. Sometimes I wonder if I really love you. But they say that if you don’t know where your heart lies, look to where you’re mind wanders. And it’s true. My mind is very faithful to you. So I wonder why I even wondered in the first place. My heart is obviously irrevocably yours.

You’re afraid of heights. I’d like to say I’m not afraid of anything, but we both know that isn’t true. I’m afraid of clowns, and driving, and the dark, and being alone. But you know what I’m afraid of most? That we’ll be like Jon and Kate. And one day you won’t love me anymore. And my beautiful fairy tale will be forever shattered. And I won’t know what to do with my self. Wait, yes I do. I will super glue you to the bottom of an airplane. Because if I have to deal with my biggest fear, so do you.

I’ve always believed that you should love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely. Hence why I didn’t date a lot in high school. Contrary to popular belief I had lots of offers. But they were never the right guy and I was never ready. I was lonely. I hope that’s what happened with you. I like to think you were dating girls because you were lonely and then you decided to date me when you were ready. I don’t know if that’s true, but I like to think it is.

Christian, I love you. And that’s really all I have to say. All I have to give you. If you want it, it’s yours. It always has been… always will be. Happy anniversary baby.